April 2nd, 2010
So the Eleventh Doctor makes is real debut tomorrow evening on Doctor Who
's Easter special. Which means I finally have to rewatch the last 3 specials (part of some ritualized prep work for a new series, I suppose).
I'm still ambivalent about David Tennant's exit. Strike that. I'm ambivalent about Ten's exit. I'd happily watch David Tennant's Docotor for another decade, really. Not just because I'm suddenly very attached to him as an actor, but because I'm not a fan of such short gaps between regenerations and I wish they'd made a point of adding a few years or decades here and there between companions. It would have been easy to say that he took a really long break between Runaway Bride and picking up Martha Jones, or between each of the specials leading up to The End of Time, just so we can imagine Ten flitting about for ages, instead of burning bright and fast and leaving all too soon. But as for Ten's exit...( Read more...Collapse )
February 26th, 2010
And holy crap, big apologies to anyone who might actually have me on their friends page! I'll be sure to put more of my future ramblings under a cut next time.
My request to join a community has been declined! A girl could get a complex.
Seriously though, I understand why some communities are wary of accepting LJ users who haven't posted much or commented much. You never know if they are a troll in waiting. Only, if people who watch the community have the ability to comment, which I suppose is what trolls typically do, does that make a difference?
Anyhoo. I'm trying to be bemused. This is my bemused face. Ages ago, I was actively posting under a different LJ name. That was when I was mainly involved in Potter fandom. When I moved on to other things, I decided to go with a new screen name. In part because I wanted a thematic name. But mainly because my old journal had personal entries and I'd decided it would be best for me to start at a new fandom with a clean slate. Try to keep the personal out of it (apart, obviously, from comments on life in a fandom).
But being turned down for this community did bring home two points for me:
1) I don't comment enough. I don't know why. I mean, I know that I never know how to respond to comments on my fics other than to say "thanks for reading". But I don't know that that's the reason for my reticence. I must, deep down, be an intellectual snob. Ok, not SO deep down. I'd feel guilty for commenting with "OMG that's great I LUV U yay pron!" or, you know, an articulate expression of my appreciation. After years in academia, including a stint of "teaching" writing, I can't easily take off my "constructive criticism" goggles once I hit the reply button. And even though some people claim to WANT c.c., I never feel it's my place to offer it. Not if I'm not a beta for the fic. And I think it's banal to just reproduce favorite lines, and trite to say that I had an emotional reaction. Which, as I said, is snobbish. I mean, why NOT let a writer know you were moved? Lord knows I like getting reviews, if only to see that people are reading. Very rarely do individual reviews stick in my head, just that overall sense that "this story went over well". So, I should, quite clearly, get over it. But, being antisocial as I am [ironic, given this post is about me wanting to join a community], I doubt I'll change. Especially when the standard "thanks for reading" reply gets under my skin.
2) I too often conflate online conflict / rejection with "real life" social situations. A while back, I was devastated when I was chastised for participating (starting?) a brief spat in the comment section of a fic writer's personal journal. Even in hindsight, it still...stings. And that's ridiculous. I don't know the people involved. The writer has long since deleted the journal and left the fandom (not, I hasten to add, because of that spat). But still, I feel a bit bruised when I think of it. It's all about context, in that situation. I think it was my first post since returning to the fandom after a long hiatus following my dad's death. More importantly, it was the first time I felt engaged with ANYTHING enough to care about saying something. I saw an argument brewing, and I commented, and I felt...elated. Finally, I wasn't just floating through my days, waiting to be tired enough to go back to sleep. I felt hopeful that some of my depression was starting to lift, because here was something I had interest in. So, of course, being smacked down like an unruly child for expressing that interest in that forum...I was monumentally discouraged. And, in my state of mind at the time, I thought it just showed that I should stay under the covers, continue my life as a shut in, and just slowly waste away because there was no fucking point to anything anymore. Did I mention the depression?
Anyhoo...it's not like that this time. I have no personal stake in joining the community. I could just as easily have pressed the "watch this community" button. But I've been thinking about it and I still over-inflate these things. Because my second thought on seeing I'd been declined (after the bemused "WTF I've had a LJ account for ages and used to post all the time...but, oh, half of that was under a different screen name so never mind") was a petty "I don't need your pity" reaction to the decliner's uber thoughtful follow-up PM suggesting I'm welcome to watch the community instead. How ridiculous is that?! (My reaction, that is.) The mods of this place obviously care enough to send out messages to people they decline membership to, to explain why and to try to make them feel welcome anyway. But I instinctively though: If I sign up to watch this place, they'll know. And I'll be that girl they just turned down. Isn't that like crawling back to an ex, asking for a second chance?
So I've been thinking about it, and now I just find it an interesting look at my own attitudes towards social situations. It's no secret to my friends that I'd happily be a shut-in as long as I had enough to entertain me in my house. I'm fine with having only a few close friends and a few more close acquaintances. I always knew that that was because I'm shy, not selective, but also low maintenance in terms of needing shoulders to cry on or people to tell the details of my day to. But, taking a step back, it's obvious that part of me really wants to be gregarious. At least online, where it takes less effort (as in, I don't have to drag myself out of the house to go to a pub because all my friends will be there). Because if I didn't want, now and then, to be part of a community rather than just a watcher, I wouldn't react to these things in such a strong way. And I find that revelation a bit disconcerting. Because, still, I know I'm unlikely to start commenting more or writing more or in general asserting my presence. I'm lazy and flighty and already don't care enough about "real life" friends [again, did I mention the depression?], so I can't justify becoming a joiner. I'd only back out later, and I've always held grudges against people who disappear from communities without letting fans, for lack of a better word, know why.
So, there that is. This is me, making an effort to post more. Post something I won't classify as private, at any rate. I've just thought of another reason I don't do this sort of social networking thing. Should have been obvious. I'm known for having a self-esteem issue. Actually, I quite loathe myself. Looking this over, I see how tedious it is. I'd be much better off just posting fangirlish squees over my few celebrity / character crushes. But I think it may be more interesting to save the personal entries of this journal for bitching about or dissecting fandom. Because it's a huge part of my life. Or day. And I'm hardly going to share it with my flatmates, who are aware that I've done very little research in the past year so shouldn't be spending my time reading fanfic over reading literary criticism. So, maybe I'll make a habit of this. Dear diary: I hate when shippers are haters. Could be fun. And theraputic.
I should know better by now, but I've been swallowed up by another fandom. I'm completely smitten with Doctor Who. And yeah, I'm a Ten girl. Can't be helped. He's my doctor. I remember watching reruns of Tom Baker's Doctor when I was a kid, and I caught Christopher Eccleston's run (though a bit delayed in the US). And I loved the stories and those doctors, but Ten is my doctor. And I love that about the show!
Anyhoo, I only got well and truly sucked in after Series Three (and after I moved to England). And I only caved and looked up DW fic after Journey's End. It's sad, getting to the party so late. I know everyone says that you get used to the new doctor, even if you hate him for a few weeks and even if you always miss yours. But even though I'll watch Matt Smith with interest, I think it might be best to limit myself in regards to fandom. Read the massive backlog of Ten fics out there. Maybe, if I'm brave enough, write a few some day. Must say, my favorites at the moment are Human Doctor fics. 10.5. Handy! So I'm hopeful I'll stumble upon a cache of those.
And, of course, I'm now slightly infatuated with David Tennant. Which is...unexpected. A few years ago, I remember thinking he looked like anthropomorphic fox. (And now I'm all..."he's a bit foxy.") But after getting very attached to Ten, I rewatched Blackpool and loved him as Peter Carlisle. And I bought Cassanova and enjoyed that as well. And now I spend my nights listening to radio plays and interviews and audiobooks featuring him. (Highly recommend 'Double Income, No Kids Yet' - brilliant and hilarious and heartbreaking and, on the shallow end of things, his natural accent is marvelous.) I'll definately be following his career and wishing him all the success in the world, because he's an amazing performer. I'm so very disappointed in myself for not paying attention when he was doing his Hamlet run. But this was back in the day when I actually did my work instead of checking for LJ updates ;)
Meanwhile, things seem to have quieted down in the House fandom, or at least in the circles I used to hover around. Maybe it's the hiatus, maybe it's just symptomatic of the series getting older. I still love it, and Hugh Laurie (as I have done for almost 20 years now), but I'm no longer active in the fandom. Part of that stems from taking a break from nearly everything for the year after my father died. Now every time I try to write something, it's half-hearted at best. And I've become selective about what I read. Can't deal with anything with major character death, or with cancer, and that a big limitation for a fandom about a hospital drama.
Not that Who fic doesn't have huge mine fields. I'm the sort of person who re-watches episodes of shows I like. Frequently. But I skip over 'Army of Ghosts' on my way to avoiding 'Doomsday'. And I've only re-watched 'Journey's End' once. And I haven't been able to bring myself to look at 'Waters of Mars' or the two-part 'End of Time' since they originally aired. I want to. I think all of those were excellent episodes (though JE was a bit rushed at the end, and I could have done with a bit less Master raving loony and multiplicity shots in the first part of End of Time). But, yeah...those episodes are tragic in a way I can't detach myself from, and in my continuing effort to not be so empathetic with fictional characters I've decided to save myself that bit of angst.
Elsewhere, total angst-whore. I love me some 'Family of Blood'. And 'Midnight' is just fantastic! And, like I said, I'm a sucker for Handy fics. Not the happily-ever-after ones so much as fics that show what a struggle it probably would be for him and Rose to find lasting happiness in that situation. I like imagining him knowing that she's always comparing him to the "real" Doctor. I like imagining him loving her even when she might not love him, or believe it IS him. I like imagining her making it all about her and the other Doctor leaving her behind, and never really thinking what it must be like for him to take the slow path, in a brand new universe. And I love when people make Jackie the voice of reason! Yes. One day, I'll have to throw my hat in the ring and write a Handy story.
[Imagine them awkwardly trying to make it work, and Rose finally admitting it to herself and him that she can't love him, not as he is and not with the other Doctor out there without her. Imagine him moving heaven and earth to find a way to get her back to her universe, all the while completely without hope for himself. And, when the time comes to send her off to a different version of himself, refusing to go with her. And as he remembers her saying "I don't love you", his last words to her, a bit of advice: "NEVER say to him what you said to me. I mean it. You weren't with him long enough, last time, to see how much he's changed without you. And you never...Rose, if you find him and, for some reason, you don't love him anymore, after all he's done...never tell him. We'd know, just the same, but...some words, Rose. Some words...]
It'll be a while before I figure out how to write his voice, obviously. But, one day, when I'm done with my own work and can set aside time to dive back into the world of fanfic, I'd love to tackle it. So, hoorah for frivolous pursuits!
August 25th, 2009
gen, mentions of House/hallucination!Amber, past House/Stacy, pre-slash House/WilsonRating
: M, for language and sexual contentWord Count:
"He never thought her a comfort, but he’s glad she’s there at that moment." Author's Note:
This is a Mayfield fic, and as such contains spoilers for the end of Season 5 and the previews for the premier of Season 6. This fic is a continuation of my Hallucination!Amber POV story, Reception
. That one was quite short so if you care to, pop over and read that first :) If you don't, I still think this is a stand alone piece. I'm hoping to write a House/Wilson sequel to it, but again, I hope this ends with a certain amount of closure. Lastly, I want to say that the second half of this piece was culled from an aborted attempt at a crossover fic with Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
. If you've seen the film, you may recognize certain elements of it here, but prior knowledge of it is really not needed.Disclaimer
: This fic contains mentions of hypnosis. I have no personal experience with hypnosis, and though I recognize that the House version of hypnosis was a bit...far-fetched, it did make for great television so I'm using it here :)
The detox is slow. Responsible. And did you really think you could kick it in 24 hours?
she taunts. He wants to yell at her to stop jumping on the bed. He can’t afford to piss these people off, and he’s vomited on the sheets twice already. But he’s resolved to stop speaking to her. Booo-ring
, she sighs, grinding her heels into his pillow. He finds himself staring at her pale white feet, and turns on his side. Baby
, she huffs when he whimpers at the new weight on his thigh, but she collapses against him and, just when he’s caught his breath, runs her fingers through his newly shorn hair. So soft
, she murmurs, then laughs. Feels like that ball you had in your office
. He doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t pull away. ( Read more...Collapse )
August 4th, 2009
A House/Wilson FanmixTitle: What Might Have Been LostNote:
Here we have a soundtrack to Season 5, focusing on House and Wilson. Features 14 songs plus 1 bonus track, sort of a hopeful look towards Season 6.( Click for download link, lyrics and album art...Collapse )
May 1st, 2009
Gen, with references to past House/Stacy, Amber/WilsonSpoilers:
Set after House Divided.Excerpt: "Occasionally, while he ignores her the best he can, she tries to figure out what she is."( Read more...Collapse )
March 27th, 2009
I've been slacking in the vid-making department, and slacking in the fic-writing department, and slacking in the real life department, so the least I can do is come up with a new House/Wilson fanmix. Blame the evil temptation that is iTunes Genius and my new Bamboo tablet that helps with making cover art. So, lyrics and download link for Breaks and Mends
behind the cut...( Read more...Collapse )
March 25th, 2009
Cameron - A TriptychFic Author: fated_addictionPairing:
Cameron/Chase, Cameron/House, and gen Cameron with her brotherRating:
Cameron and the men in her life
Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!Cameron - A Triptych
March 22nd, 2009
Title: Five Times...
Summary: Speculation for Season Five finale, based on spoilers. Fuller title and summary behind the cut, so spoilerphobes beware.( Five Times...Collapse )